


Sticky Situation

by HaphazardPeach



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alfred really needs to mind his own business, Dirty Talk, Eavesdropping, Food Kink, Gen, Human Names, Masturbation, Mathieu isn't as innocent as everyone thinks, Shaming Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-06
Updated: 2012-09-06
Packaged: 2017-11-13 16:49:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/505637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaphazardPeach/pseuds/HaphazardPeach
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Canada has a secret. She goes against everything he has ever stood for, but he can't help it. He loves her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sticky Situation

Alfred walked through the upstairs hallway, on the way to his bedroom to try to find his cell phone. He'd lost it sometime this morning and was going absolutely insane without it. What if someone tried to call him because they needed a Hero?

As he walked past his brother's room, however, a strange noise distracted him. It sounded almost like… a moan? Utterly confused, and entirely too nosey for his own good, Alfred gave up on going to his own room and pressed his ear against Mathieu's door. His brother was usually so quiet, the very fact that Alfred could hear anything from the hallway was cause for concern. His Mattie might be in trouble and need a Hero!

The next few moments were silent, and Alfred had almost decided that Mattie wasn't in peril when another moan floated across his hearing. Back on guard, Alfred held his breath to hear better.

"Oh Maple, I love you so much! You're so warm, and sweet."

What? Alfred's eyes grew round in shock. Who was Mattie talking to? He didn't have a girlfriend, not as far as Alfred knew, and Alfred knew everything! They were brothers! Twins, even! How could his Mattie keep such a huge secret from him? Alfred was just about ready to barge into Mathieu's room and demand answers when he heard more.

"I wish we could tell people of our love, but we can't! I have a reputation to uphold, I can't let people know how much I love someone so… impure."

Now Alfred knew that something was definitely wrong. He had never heard Mattie so concerned over reputations, let alone discriminating against someone for their genealogy.

"You're probably not even 10 percent, at best. It makes absolutely no sense for me to love you as much as I do. In fact, it goes against everything I've ever believed. But you're so irresistible, I can't make myself stop!"

If Alfred had been more observant, he would have noticed that Mathieu wasn't speaking normally. Volume aside, Mathieu's words were somewhat strained, as if he was having difficulty speaking at all, let alone making sentences. His words were punctuated by long, shuddering breaths and barely-withheld groans. 

But no one ever said that Alfred was observant.

"Your entire existence is based on lies. You let everyone think you're something so pure, when really all you are is a cheap imitation. You're nothing more than a whore, dressing yourself up as a high-class, respectable lady. But underneath your lies you're so sweet, so wonderful. You taste so good."

Alfred's mouth had fallen open at the hateful words his brother was speaking. Mathieu was the nicest, most polite person he knew, but if he had such hateful words to say about someone he claimed to love, what did he truly think about anyone? About him? Could it be possible that his dear, sweet brother Mathieu had similar feelings about him, Alfred F. Jones?

He didn't know what to think anymore.

"I love the feel of you running down my chest. The way you move so slow in some places, fast in others. The way you cling to every edge, refusing to let go. I love the way you feel underneath my fingers, but even that is nothing compared to how you feel against my tongue. I could lick you all day and never get tired of it."

Alfred had the decency to blush at this new turn to Mathieu's words. It wasn't like he expected his brother to be completely innocent, they were grown men after all, but… No, no, actually he fully expected Mathieu to be just that innocent! Alfred's Mattie wouldn't speak like this! Like a character in some cheap smut magazine.

This entire situation was tearing Alfred's view of his brother to pieces. He didn't know if he would be able to look at his sweet, innocent, little brother anymore without seeing this new, hateful, dirty, side of him. He didn't like it, and if it kept going, he would do something about it. Because he was the Hero!

"Fuck, you're so good. So delicious. I can't decide whether I like having you best in the mornings, waking up to you, or to keep you hidden away in here all day so I can have you whenever I want. I wish I could have you on the breakfast table, surrounded by my entire family, to see their faces as I put something as dirty as you in my mouth, being sure to lick every drop."

The mention of their family snapped Alfred out of his shocked stupor. If his Mattie actually swore, and wanted the rest of them to see his exploits, then he knew for sure that something was wrong! Obviously wanting their family to see was a cry for help; so they could come to his rescue and save him from this wench that had tainted his sweet, innocent brother!

Making up his mind, Alfred grabbed the handle to Mathieu's door and shouldered it open; breaking the feeble lock – a Hero coming to rescue his brother!

Nothing could have possibly prepared him for the sight that greeted him upon his Heroic entrance. Of all the scenarios that had ran through Alfred's head as he eavesdropped from the hallway, none of them had even come close to this.  
Mathieu was sprawled out on his bed, absolutely naked. Although, upon closer inspection, it looked like his brother was covered in some type of liquid – at least on his chest and abdomen. The next thing that Alfred noticed was Mathieu's hand on his erect cock, also covered in what looked to be the same substance that was on his chest.

It was quite obvious, even to Alfred, that he had made a huge mistake. His brother hadn't been tortured and seduced by some devious fiend… he had been masturbating.

Oops.

Still staring, wide-eyed, Alfred managed to notice Mathieu's other hand – the one that wasn't previously noted to be holding a surprisingly large and hard cock – was holding something and slowly moving behind his raised leg. Without permission, Alfred's feet carried him forward. His arm shot out, grabbing Mathieu's wrist and raising it to display what the object was. Alfred just stared at it for a few long moments, trying to make sense of it.

Firstly, it was a brown bottle – made of plastic. Though, this bottle had a face molded into it. And an apron. And if he wasn't mistaken, it looked like underneath Mathieu's thumb was a pair of breasts, covered by a neat button-up shirt. A label had been torn off of the bottle's skirt, a few pieces of the white backing still remaining – but Alfred didn't need the label. He knew exactly what his brother was holding.

Releasing his brother's wrist, Alfred's still-unblinking eyes turned to look at his brother. There was a smear on Mathieu's glasses, more evidence to his brother's crimes.

"You… you sick bastard!" Backing away, Alfred noticed that his hand, the hand that had grabbed his brother's wrist, was sticky. Sticky with the same substance currently covering his brother. Staring at his own hand in horror, Alfred gasped, not knowing how to process this new side of his brother. Raising his eyes back to his Mathieu's, Alfred managed one final sentence.

"I don't think Mr. Butterworth would appreciate this very much."

Turning and running down the corridor, Alfred headed straight to the bathroom to try and wash the evidence from his hand.

Seeing Alfred turn and run triggered something within Mathieu, and he sprang up from his bed, making it to the doorway just as he heard the bathroom door slam closed.

"Don't judge me like that, I know what you do with Hershey!" he called down the hallway. Alfred probably hadn't heard him over the running water, but he had to try defending himself.

Closing his door once again, not bothering with the now-broken lock, Mathieu looked at the bottle still held in his hand as he made his way back to his bed. "I told you they wouldn't understand, Joy," he said to his love. Laying down as he had been before Alfred decided to … be Alfred and stroking his thumb slowly over the slight swell of her plastic-molded breast, Mathieu gazed lovingly at his dirty secret. "I'll always love you, even if you're not 100% pure Maple…"

**Author's Note:**

> This was written after a conversation with my friend led to a question: Would Canada have a crush on Mrs. Butterworth? But, she's not actually maple syrup... so she must be a secret.
> 
> The line about Mr. Butterworth not being appreciative came from the movie 40 Days and 40 Nights.


End file.
